Friday, August 6, 2010

Oh, The Joys Of Living In The Deep South

The rest of my family lives in and around Birmingham, Alabama.  I lived there off and on after my father moved us (kicking, squealing and crying in protest) in the summer of 1968.  If you're old enough to remember, 1968 was a HUGE year of protests so we girls were just part of the mood of the times, as it were.  Anyway, the Motel Birmingham has been there forever--now it's called the Delux Inn & Suites but it kept the cool diver and the bottom half of the sign.  Wonder what happened to the "Motel" part?  Of course you know I would KILL to have it.
(I'm pretty sure this is an example of the architectural genre named after me, Googie.  Right?)

I now live in Mississippi, a state that has the distinction of continually being #1 or #2 on all the "Worst" lists like "Laziest States" or "Fattest States" or "States With Drivers Who Don't Use Their Turn Signals".  Mississippi is the state that Louisiana is often grateful for because we're usually #1 in bad things and they're #2.  Unfortunately for them, earlier this year THEY won the "Laziest State" award.  They still haven't gone to pick it up, being so lazy and all.  I mean, come ON!  You've seen the video of the people cleaning up the beaches.  They look like they've been filmed in slo-mo, and don't give me the "but it's so HOT" excuse.  They move like that ALL THE TIME!  Sorry, just went off there for a minute. 

I've been fooling y'all.  THIS is our condo!
Now don't trample each other on your way down for a bucolic weekend . . .

While wandering through Poplarville, MS I saw this sign.  When I was a kid one of my many slave duties was to muck out my horse Red's stall.  Seeing the sign brought back fond memories of shoveling horse shit and fending off botflies while keeping an eye out for Red who used to think it was fun to try and bite me.  Good times.
And now that we live part-time in Florida--and to me, that sounds like we're old and Jewish and can't take the harsh northern winters, bubbala, not that we're rich--I heard that Pace, Florida is a great place to find good deals on vintage and antique stuff.  So here's one of the first things I saw.  Breathing a sigh of relief that I wasn't driving my car with the "We beat your ass big-time" Obama sticker, I did a quick tour and hightailed it outta there.  Northern Florida is apparently full of "patriotic" militant wackos and I'm pretty sure a high percentage of them live right there in Pace.   Note to self: always drive the big diesel "My husband has a gigantic wee-wee" 3/4-ton Dodge truck whilst driving about the Florida Panhandle and save the car for trips to New Orleans.

I am soooooo tired of this crap.  Seriously. 


  1. Hahaha... My jewish friend in New Jersey said all the jews go to Florida to die. HIS words, not mine lol... Well his Mom DOES live in Florida.

    He was considering moving there to a place called Crystal Cove, and sort of half-heartedly suggested maybe his other best friend and I all move to the same area, Crystal Cove, and live close to each other so we old fogies can watch out for each other. Homes there are cheap compared to here!

    That lasted about 10 minutes. It was a nice thought, I even considered it. Gee, when was the last time I had someone care enough to want to suggest helping look out for my welfare? I can't remember.

    But the hurricanes and the heat! Oh my! You know how blasted hot it gets here, do I really want to move my whole life to another hell hole? Nahhhh

    Now he's looking at property in KY. KY!! Lord have mercy I could buy a whole new house and 20 acres for the cost of my garage here. But KY? My Moms Dad comes from KY, and while I have nothing against folks from, mine were prejudiced as hell. Didn't give me a good outlook on KY. Oh the scandal when my goyum Mom married a jew from NY. Oy vey!

    Now I have rambeled on, this has to be the longest post ever, and I forgot my whole point.

    I need another coffee!! =D Happy friday!

  2. It's so interesting to see bits of the US I haven't visited and see what it's 'really' like.

    Unlike many people from the UK Florida has never been somewhere I've thought to go, I've done SF, NYC, LA, Vegas, ya know all the tourist stuff,we stay in Pasadena just outside LA quite a bit, but really it's kind of idyllic!But we do drive a lot in the US and stop at out of the way places otherwise I never feel you get a taste of reality, I mean staying in a hotel in Manhattan is not reality!

  3. Love the condo! So much potential, don't you think?
    I get the jitters when I see a 'big wee-wee' truck up here with a front plate of the Confederate flag. Go figure.

  4. Well, whatever Mississippi and Louisiana don't rate, Oklahoma does. We have the #1 spot for most women incarcerated and we rate #1 for most people with missing teeth who make it on national television. Florida has nothing on us: Our entire state voted Republican in the presidential election. Not one county voted Democratic! On the upside, our tornadoes sweep up every spring and fall (and sometimes winter and summer) so our highways are clean. But don't drive through our state. There isn't one bathroom facility on our turnpikes or interstates, just hokey little picnic tables and whatever jug you can find in the trash receptacles to pee in. At least Mississippi and Louisiana have beautiful rest stops. Well, that and kudzu. Thank heavens we don't have that, LOL!


  5. Ah...the South. Can you imagine how I semi-rebellious, Obama-lovin', rainbow-flag-waving, immigrant-embracing, atheist must feel surrounded by all of her uber-conservative Texas and Arkansas family and friends?
    They all think I am really wild..or crazy....

  6. Wow, you all make me want to live in those states....NOT.

    Yes, the sign is Googie, Chris! And your condo is goooooooooooooooooooorrrrrgeous! When can I come and stay?

  7. Great post! Just got here and I love it!


  8. Sometimes I find myself dreaming of a shack deep deep deep in the Carroll County woods. So far out that you have drive down a pig trail and bring your sunshine and oxygen and water and food and everything else with you......but then I wouldn't have the never mind.

  9. Well said!! By the way I love the condo, it has so much potential. Lol!

  10. We voted in the national election in Atlanta, at a precinct where the NBPP had peeps stationed around the entry way to the voting facility. Why? Because there were anti-Obama tea baggers claiming that he was the new Hitler and that he is a Communist or Socialist and wants to rob old people of their Medicare. I was never so happy to see the NBPP.

    I don't miss the south. That describes most of my experiences... :(

    On a better note, YOU are good people, and its too bad I didn't meet you while we lived there...

  11. Been hearing about you from stop that...I'm laughing to hard!

  12. So laughing my A$$ off right now. Cause you know we Georgia folk love Alabama cause it keeps Mississippi a state away! LOL....You are a mess and honey I'm still coming to the Condo just need to make sure I buy some Muck Boots first!

  13. Hey VC...Thanks for making me snort my morning coffee once again. I should know better than to try to take a sip when I'm reading you!! You really need to get past the panhandle and mosey on down to central Florida...we are rednecky & politically incorrect, but nowhere near as bad as them folk up there in the handle. :o} Thanks for the Sunday morning {that's when I'm reading} giggles & snorts! PS We can be really dumb here too...had a marina sign up by the river that advertised "covrd boat slips"...on a sign painted by a Bubba...I actually called the marina about it, and they said he didn't have space for the Es and that was fine with them!!! See ya...*e* from FloriDuh