Saturday, June 26, 2010

Discovery Channel Star Visits VintageChristine And Scares The Crapola Out Of Her!

A couple years ago The Discovery Channel ran a documentary about pythons running rampant in the Florida Everglades and of course the doc has run periodically after that, especially since the python population is increasing and eating up the alligators (and, unfortunately, lots of cats and dogs).  In fact, it ran again just the other day and my husband was telling me about it.  OH FOR GOD'S SAKE!  I DO NOT CARE ONE SINGLE BIT ABOUT PYTHONS EVEN IF THEY'RE TAKING OVER FLORIDA AND SNACKING ON EVERYONE'S PETS!

Until, of course, a python shows up in my back yard.  In Mississippi.  Those are my husband's fingers holding the snake's head.  Prior to this, the snake had bitten him but he had already determined that this wasn't a poisonous snake since he watches The Discovery Channel and Animal Planet alot and learns stuff like that.  Like that makes a difference to me.  IT'S A FREAKING SNAKE!

I was inside on the computer and heard the big dog doing that special shrieky bark bark bark bark bark bark thing they do when they've either treed something or have something cornered.  Since that can only mean things that are mean and bite, I wasn't too keen to check it out.  Well, until Mike came running in and said, "Boogie's got a snake cornered and I think it's a python!"

Quick check to make sure I'm still in Mississippi and not Sumatra, then I ran outside, camera in hand.

I ran around the side of the house and there was Boogie barking away at a very unhappy coiled-up-just-like-a-rattlesnake snake.  Mike's standing not two feet from the pissed off reptile still going "I think it's a python I think it's a python I think it's a python!"  So to prove he's right, he pokes the snake with a rake, it uncoils and starts to slither away, he reaches down and tries to grab the snake behind the head and it turns back and nails his finger.  Bleeding ensues.  When these kind of things happen to my husband, Mr. Danger Is My Middle Name, I involuntarily start adding up what I may be getting from our various insurance policies.  I'm sorry, I can't help it.

Anyway, he doesn't fall down or froth at the mouth or anything so he puts down the snake and goes in the house to wash off the blood.  I run after him, hysterically pointing out that the snake is going to get away and is probably going back to Snake Central where its much bigger friends are and they're going to come back in a big snake posse and kill us all. 

Cue the look that he does that means "whatever possessed me to marry this nutjob?"

So we go back outside and guess what?  The snake hasn't gone anywhere!  Instead, he's busily ingesting the baby bird that had fallen out of the oak tree a few hours earlier.  Note to Melvin Fan Club members: Mike did try to save the baby but it died soon after the fall.  The mama bird was so upset that he left it on the ground for her to mourn over for a little while.  Unfortunately she seemed to blame HIM for this tragedy and kept divebombing him and the dog, and we think that during this time the python smelled the bird and headed on over for a snack and its eventual encounter with Marlin Perkins, er, my husband.

Here's the snake sticking its tongue out at me.  Well, yes, I KNOW it's really "tasting the air" but it had already bitten Mike and so I'm pretty sure it was actually saying, "Get any closer, bitch, and I'm gonna swallow you whole."  The camera was set on "zoom in" BTW.

Mike figured the snake was about 4' long.  Making it young.  Meaning it could concievably grow much, much bigger since it's pretty much at the top of the food chain behind our house.

We figured it might be a good idea to call Animal Control since this snake was clearly not a native to Mississippi like the local water moccasins and rattlesnakes (two of the many reasons I remain in the house pretty much the entire summer with an occasional sprint to the car).  It was afterhours but I was pleased when the SPCA phone was answered.  Unfortunately, the woman at the other end had absolutely NO desire to deal with our snake problem and suggested we call Wildlife & Fisheries, who were of course not listed in the phone book but after several attempts were found buried on the State of Mississippi website.

Know what THEY said?  Call your local Animal Control.  By this time I'm getting a little pissed off myself since that snake wasn't going to take forever to eat the baby bird so the W&F guy said he'd called the Game Warden and call us back. 

And know what HE said?  The Game Warden said to kill the snake because if you let it back into the wild it'll just grow bigger and then become a threat to your pets.  Oh, ok.  Nothing like being at all interested in a snake that has no business even being here.  Oh well, the Game Warden probably had just eaten dinner and didn't want to move his big fat ass off the couch.

So we go back outside and there's the snake, CLIMBING THE OAK TREE!  We just sort of stood there and watched in awe as it curled and coiled its way, rather quickly I might add, up the tree's big trunk.  Well, until we realized that the snake was headed straight to the nest housing the remainder of the baby birds.

Sorry snakie.  Time for nigh-nigh.  Mike grabbed him off the tree, got his ax, and chop chop chop . . . end of story.  

Just another life and death day Chez VintageChristine. 


  1. Well, so much for people doing their job, eh? Glad your hubby was there to deal with it, but sad that the lazy SOBs couldn't do more than to tell you to kill it. What if it had been some sort of endangered snake and they told you to kill it? Just doesn't seem right to me...

  2. Yup, i agree....lazy people.
    Next time, bag it and take to them....let them deal with the death sentence.

  3. Wow! I killed a baby rattle snake a few hours before As Time Goes By, luck as SHIT I wasn't bit by him. I was hanging the paper lanterns, and stood up in a lawn chair in the gravel pit to hang it, and I looked down and saw the gravel move!!!! and then i realized it was a snake and he shot under the coke box, so i grabbed the shovel flipped the coke box on its side and Cut the rattlers head off he had 5 little shakers on his tail.

  4. jeez you ppl got some serious shit in your country!

  5. Mick, I'm suddenly just a little bit less sad I didn't come to As Time Goes By . . .

  6. OK, I typed up this whole long super cool post, and blogger ate it. Yeah, of course, I had a whole novel written lol.......

    Anyways, glad everything worked out alright~

  7. I don't like snakes...ewwww.....and one's that eat baby birds! I think the authorities were lazy but honey I would have had that snake dead in no time! So I will visit you in the winter..ok??? lol~~

  8. OMG. I'll stick with our Garter snakes, thank you very much!!!

  9. Shrieky bark bark bark bark bark bark!

    You have convinced me. I ain't never moving to Mississippi OR Florida. No way, no how. I have no big strong man to kill snakes for me, and I'll be damned if I'll walk outside and encounter one.

    You're safe. I'm staying here.


  10. Hope that snake's daddy doesn't know where you live... maybe you'd better start thinking about changing addresses?? Like, maybe in a different state with more hospitable wildlife like bunny rabbits and baby deer???

    My hat's off to Crocodile Mike, and keep that life insurance paid up!! =D

  11. A few years ago, a woman here in Oklahoma panicked when she saw a snake in her bird feeder, so she called 911. Two small town under-sheriffs came out and shot at it. Unfortunately the bullet whizzed right past the snake and hit a child on a dock fishing with his grandpa, killing the little boy. Snake got away, the under-sheriffs got fired, and a mom and dad lost their only child. I'm still livid over the stupidity of some people. At least you guys took care of the snake properly. And you called the right services for help/advice. Hope your hubs finger is on the mend. My heart would have given out on me if a snake had bitten my Hub!

  12. We are studying the snake/Eve in Genesis. I ascribe to the only good snake is a dead snake theory. Since we live on a lake I constantly worry about the GKids or Furkids getting bit.

  13. Ive seen those shows on FL etc and Im glad I dont live any farther south than I do! I HATE SNAKES. Im glad your hubs killed it. They give me the heebie jeebies.

  14. You have Pythons big enough to eat ALLIGATORS in the South? And you bought a condo in Florida? WTH? You need a condo in North Dakota!
    PS - Mike is quite brave, but you need a gun.

  15. You have a way with words Mrs. C. YIKES. I wouldn't be near that snake, personally, but kudos to the Mr. for facing that snake and taking it on. Sheesh.

    I lived a while ago, in Daytona Beach. We had an apartment. One evening I come home after a long shift, and lo and behold, there's a scorpion above the door frame to my bedroom. I shrieked, so my roommate came running in. She SCREAMED and ran out. So, naturally I had to kill it. So I shooed it down with a broom and just before it scurried under a night stand, I stomped on it. "Squoosh." THEN I screamed. Couldn't clean up the mess for a couple of hours until I bought a newspaper and rubber gloves. I still heaved like the dickens until I wrapped up the nasty refuse, and walked the entirety of the garbage out to the dumpster. I shuddered and shook the whole time. G R O S S.

  16. Eeeeehhh!! I don't do creepy all their...creepy...crawliness! Snakes and scorpians and ick! AT least the snake was outside... Cause omg if I came across a scorpion in my house like Darlene I would DIE! I'd probably just freeze and stare at it, afraid to move... I have enough trouble dealing with spiders... I HATE things that scurry away or god forbid JUMP.

  17. This post was like passing a bad car wreck. I was so horrified but I couldn't look away. I will have nightmares tonight, THANKS CHRISTINE!!!And Mick's comment was ripped straight out of my worst nightmares too! STOP WITH THE SNAKE STORIES ALREADY....why can't I just look away? That's one of the things I miss about living in snakes. I am so afraid of running into a rattlesnake on our property it almost takes the fun out of going over there.

  18. I'm glad your husband was home! I woulda for sure instituted my boyfriend on something like that! I probably wouldn't have wanted to kill it though, sap that I am! Glad everyone still has their fingers & toes!

  19. WOW! Good thing y'all had seen the documentary... That's scary!

  20. OMG! I LOLed at the mentioning of camera, insurance and Snake Central. ;-)

    Whatever I said about not needing a manly man? Well, it was BS. You DO SO NEED A MANLY MAN. And yes, I will turn over my feminist card for admitting this. There's no way I am touching anything with no feet. And from now on, BEST wedding present? an AX!