Discovery Channel Star Visits VintageChristine And Scares The Crapola Out Of Her!

A couple years ago The Discovery Channel ran a documentary about pythons running rampant in the Florida Everglades and of course the doc has run periodically after that, especially since the python population is increasing and eating up the alligators (and, unfortunately, lots of cats and dogs).  In fact, it ran again just the other day and my husband was telling me about it.  OH FOR GOD'S SAKE!  I DO NOT CARE ONE SINGLE BIT ABOUT PYTHONS EVEN IF THEY'RE TAKING OVER FLORIDA AND SNACKING ON EVERYONE'S PETS!

Until, of course, a python shows up in my back yard.  In Mississippi.  Those are my husband's fingers holding the snake's head.  Prior to this, the snake had bitten him but he had already determined that this wasn't a poisonous snake since he watches The Discovery Channel and Animal Planet alot and learns stuff like that.  Like that makes a difference to me.  IT'S A FREAKING SNAKE!

I was inside on the computer and heard the big dog doing that special shrieky bark bark bark bark bark bark thing they do when they've either treed something or have something cornered.  Since that can only mean things that are mean and bite, I wasn't too keen to check it out.  Well, until Mike came running in and said, "Boogie's got a snake cornered and I think it's a python!"

Quick check to make sure I'm still in Mississippi and not Sumatra, then I ran outside, camera in hand.

I ran around the side of the house and there was Boogie barking away at a very unhappy coiled-up-just-like-a-rattlesnake snake.  Mike's standing not two feet from the pissed off reptile still going "I think it's a python I think it's a python I think it's a python!"  So to prove he's right, he pokes the snake with a rake, it uncoils and starts to slither away, he reaches down and tries to grab the snake behind the head and it turns back and nails his finger.  Bleeding ensues.  When these kind of things happen to my husband, Mr. Danger Is My Middle Name, I involuntarily start adding up what I may be getting from our various insurance policies.  I'm sorry, I can't help it.

Anyway, he doesn't fall down or froth at the mouth or anything so he puts down the snake and goes in the house to wash off the blood.  I run after him, hysterically pointing out that the snake is going to get away and is probably going back to Snake Central where its much bigger friends are and they're going to come back in a big snake posse and kill us all. 

Cue the look that he does that means "whatever possessed me to marry this nutjob?"

So we go back outside and guess what?  The snake hasn't gone anywhere!  Instead, he's busily ingesting the baby bird that had fallen out of the oak tree a few hours earlier.  Note to Melvin Fan Club members: Mike did try to save the baby but it died soon after the fall.  The mama bird was so upset that he left it on the ground for her to mourn over for a little while.  Unfortunately she seemed to blame HIM for this tragedy and kept divebombing him and the dog, and we think that during this time the python smelled the bird and headed on over for a snack and its eventual encounter with Marlin Perkins, er, my husband.

Here's the snake sticking its tongue out at me.  Well, yes, I KNOW it's really "tasting the air" but it had already bitten Mike and so I'm pretty sure it was actually saying, "Get any closer, bitch, and I'm gonna swallow you whole."  The camera was set on "zoom in" BTW.

Mike figured the snake was about 4' long.  Making it young.  Meaning it could concievably grow much, much bigger since it's pretty much at the top of the food chain behind our house.

We figured it might be a good idea to call Animal Control since this snake was clearly not a native to Mississippi like the local water moccasins and rattlesnakes (two of the many reasons I remain in the house pretty much the entire summer with an occasional sprint to the car).  It was afterhours but I was pleased when the SPCA phone was answered.  Unfortunately, the woman at the other end had absolutely NO desire to deal with our snake problem and suggested we call Wildlife & Fisheries, who were of course not listed in the phone book but after several attempts were found buried on the State of Mississippi website.

Know what THEY said?  Call your local Animal Control.  By this time I'm getting a little pissed off myself since that snake wasn't going to take forever to eat the baby bird so the W&F guy said he'd called the Game Warden and call us back. 

And know what HE said?  The Game Warden said to kill the snake because if you let it back into the wild it'll just grow bigger and then become a threat to your pets.  Oh, ok.  Nothing like being at all interested in a snake that has no business even being here.  Oh well, the Game Warden probably had just eaten dinner and didn't want to move his big fat ass off the couch.

So we go back outside and there's the snake, CLIMBING THE OAK TREE!  We just sort of stood there and watched in awe as it curled and coiled its way, rather quickly I might add, up the tree's big trunk.  Well, until we realized that the snake was headed straight to the nest housing the remainder of the baby birds.

Sorry snakie.  Time for nigh-nigh.  Mike grabbed him off the tree, got his ax, and chop chop chop . . . end of story.  

Just another life and death day Chez VintageChristine.