April 14, 2010

I used to start celebrating my birthday about a week ahead of time just to make sure I was able to accommodate everyone's wish to take me out and get me drunker than a skunk.  And in ChristineLand, there's no such thing as a "belated" birthday wish, card (or best of all) GAILY WRAPPED PRESENT!  AND IF YOU'RE GIVING ME AN EXPENSIVE PIECE OF JEWELRY, SCREW THE WRAPPING!!

This year, I'd like to share what I've received so far for my birthday:

(Inside:  "Turn the other cheek.")

The card was also accompanied by a World Market gift card with this note . . . "I saw this card & 2 things went through my mind - (1) That guy looks A LOT like Uncle Mike & (2) that cute magnet would be a perfect addition to their fridge! = )  I hope you can find something at World Market to  help you celebrate . . . WINE WINE WINE!  I think you're fabulous Gogie!  I love you soooooo much!  Always, Corinne & Anthony".  My niece Corinne and her hunny boyfriend.  I love you soooo much, too!  Note:  although I'm pretty sure Corinne knows her Uncle Mike's meaning of the word "bubblegum", I didn't know she knew what his butt cheeks looked like.  Butt CRACK, maybe -- like most white men, Mike is afflicted with the dread "NoButt" disease, which is the inability to keep your pants UP when you squat DOWN.  It's not life-threatening, just gross if you discover your neighbor has the disease one early morning when you're  half asleep, haven't yet  had your coffee, and your stomach is still a bit queasy from last night's vino overindulgence.  TEE-EMM-EYE!! 

In the rest of the entire world's defense, the mail hasn't arrived yet today.  In the meantime, while I wait for the mail lady to pull up, honk, and make me go outside to her SUV to accept the many cards and presents I'm sure are waiting for me even now at the local pee oh, here are some cards I've given to myself.

(Inside: "On your birthday, just relax and go with the flow")

A particularly appropriate card given the fact that my father frequently referred to me as Princess Running Water and I'm now a card-carrying member of the "Gotta Go, Gotta Go, Gotta Go RIGHT NOW" Club.

(Inside:  "It's unanimous--You've still got it!)

Was there any doubt?!

Unfortunately, this next card hits waaaaaaay too close to home.  Sadly.

(Inside: "That way I can put a hook in it to hold up my bra.")

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

My darling husband called me YESTERDAY to wish me an early Happy Birthday AND a Happy Anniversary (I forget about our anniversary every single year even though I purposedly got married on the day before my birthday so I'd remember said anniversary.  He knows I forget it and loves me even still). 

Best present ever?  Actually, there are two this year:

1.  My wonderful husband

2.  My dad, who just celebrated his 84th birthday on April 6

If you're even HALF as happy and blessed as I am today, you are truly lucky!!!!!